Empathy
With great power comes great responsibility
We spend so much time talking about code, new tech, who knows what else, the latest LLM feat of strength that we often forget the (for me at least) most important tool in software engineering and somewhat lacking in humanity at times: empathy.
From my personal standpoint, empathy isn't something I named growing up, I just had a natural care for other people and people seemed to confide in me, be relaxed around me and open up to me.
It was only years into my adulthood that people told me I was empathetic and I started to take note and understand what they meant.
As a business owner, I took the time to listen to my employees and understand their needs and concerns. I noticed that it wasn't as much what they said, but the fact that they felt safe enough to say it. And that it was important to just listen. Not to respond or give them answers right away, but just listen.
And on the business side of things, it was important to understand the needs of my clients. Not just what they wanted, but why they wanted it. Empathy isn't just about being nice, it's about putting yourself in place of someone else and truly understanding their perspective.
Listening is more than just hearing the words, it's about understanding the meaning behind them. The nuances when someone speaks. Their gestures. The tone of their voice.
More than half of the time, when i try to explain something to someone they interrupt me. They're formulating an answer in their head while i'm still talking. And they don't even realise that at that point they've stopped listening altogether.
In the teams I'm part of, I'm trying to change that. Trying to take a step back during conversations and take it all in before responding. That also leads in to asking better questions. Which leads in to more productive, meaningful, and overall better conversations.
I know to some this may sound obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people don't practice this. Or maybe to some other this might sound like a waste of time, but it's not. It's an investment in your relationships.
Anyone can learn technical skills in one form or another. But not everyone can learn to be empathetic. More than once I have noticed brilliant seniors or mediors disappear from teams because they couldnt talk to junior developers or understand their perspective.
As a developer it's easy to cast things aside that don't have to do with code. But the reality is that we're not just writing code, we're solving problems for people. And to do that effectively, we need to understand them.
That could mean:
- talking to your colleagues and understanding their perspective
- talking to your clients and understanding their needs
- talking to your users and understanding their problems
And look for solutions that make sense for everyone involved. Because in the end, teamwork makes the dream work.
In closing I'd like to leave you with a quote by Robin Williams, one of my favorite comedians and something I always think about:
"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always."